A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

— Irina Dunn

A couple days ago, I was in my dorm hallway with a guy friend and some other girls.  I don’t remember how we got onto the topic, but all of a sudden I was saying that I’ve never had a boyfriend.  Which is partly true, do you count middle school boyfriends??? Otherwise, I have only fooled around and had a couple-of-week flings.  In response to my admission, my male friend looked shocked and asked me in these words, “Is there something wrong with you?”  

Obviously, not the kindest way to put it, and I’ve considered in the past that there may be something wrong with me.  But now, I had to reconsider my thought process on this issue again because I actually love being single now. But why do I love being single?  Why have things not worked out in the past? 

First of all, I know tons of girls and women that have never had boyfriends either, so I say none of this to discredit their experiences, or act as though I am the only one experiencing this issue.  However, for the last couple of days, I’ve looked at my past and the reasons behind my lack of boyfriends. In the hall, I answered my friend saying I couldn’t commit, and to some extent, this conclusion is accurate but not in the way that most people think.  I am not able to commit to some men that have offered a relationship simply because I am picky, not because I can’t be loyal to them. When I have a relationship I want to love hanging out with that person, talking to them about my failures and successes, nerding out with them over Marvel superheroes and Game of Thrones and science, and so many other things.  I am not looking for any ‘joe-schmo’, yet I also realize that the type of person that I am looking for may not be in college right now, and it may take some time to find the connection that I want with a man. So, I fool around, go on dates, and talk to different guys without much commitment from either of us.  

At the same time, I think most people in my generation are either whole-heartedly single, or consistently in a relationship.  I don’t think there are a ton of single people looking to date anymore, if they even have the social skills to meet people and form connections to date.  All of this is fine because eventually we will settle down, but it reassures me that I am not the odd-one-out as my male friend suggested. I think I am the norm in my generation, and I love that.  I love being single right now, and honestly that’s taken me a long fucking time to realize.

For years all I wanted was a relationship. I was so frustrated and lost by it that I couldn’t focus on other amazing things in my life like girlfriends and family.  But no longer, I love going to the gym by myself (getting checked out by all the guys there), I love being free on the weekends to hang out with my girlfriends, I love listening to my music anywhere I go, and I love not smiling at everyone I meet because I don’t worry about their first impression of me anymore.  I love being myself, yet that being said it is also difficult to continue to be yourself in college because of people like my guy friend who question why you’re still single. Still, I don’t want other people’s opinions on me and my love life to control my thoughts and actions anymore.

I am kinky in bed, but I come across as a ‘good girl’ (even though I reject this societal stereotype).  And I am serious, but I like to smile. I am kind, but don’t fuck with me regarding feminism and science.  And I am fun and spontaneous, but I like organization in my school work. I am beautiful, but I’m no snob. And yes, I am single, but I am fucking proud of it. 

People like to put labels on me and who I appear to the world, but I am blatantly ignoring them now because I like who I am and I don’t need anyone else’s approval for that.